Dear Reader,
What if I told you that you hold within you one of the most powerful tools available for overcoming your fears? Would you use it?
That tool is your intuition.
Guidance, inner wisdom – it goes by many names. But all human beings have it, including you. Unfortunately, fear can sometimes block your ability to access and use your intuition. So today, I’m going to use the story of how I found my soulmate as a case study, of sorts, to illustrate three key actions you can take to use your intuition and overcome your fears.
Although you can use these insights to create anything you feel is lacking in your life, they may be especially relevant for you if you want to find your own soulmate.
Soulmate search – my starting point
When I resolved once and for all to find my soulmate, I was trying to overcome a tumultuous relationship history. I had been divorced for a little over a decade, spending at least seven years of that time alone.
I was hurting.
At last, I had found another serious relationship – only to have that one fall through as well.
Part of the problem in the beginning was that I didn’t have a clear sense of who I was, not in depth. I had plenty going for me – a strong sense of purpose, and passion, in moving to New York City to become a professional dancer. But I had little awareness of what I valued, or what I wanted in life. I didn’t have a vision or structure for my life to guide me on my path.
And I had little idea of what I wanted in a relationship, or how to behave in one.
You can imagine the problems that caused.
I spent much of the time after my divorce alone, and frozen in fear without even knowing it. Years passed. I barely tried to date, and any efforts I made were half-hearted at best. My life was driven by fears I couldn’t see.
- I was afraid I wasn’t worthy of a good relationship.
- I was afraid I would fail.
- I was afraid of being hurt again, and that I wouldn’t be able to handle that hurt.
- I was afraid that nobody out there would want to be with me.
A pretty big list of fears, right? And worse, I thought that I must be the only one who struggled with those fears.
What changed?
I began to learn more about myself.
I have written elsewhere on the blog about the different things I did as part of that exploration. By the time I entered my second serious relationship, even though it too was misguided in its own way, I had a better idea of my fears, my values and my own gifts.
I was also developing my intuition.
When that second serious relationship ended, even though I was sad, I knew I could handle it. I recognized that I was making progress. Not only that, but I was determined to find my soulmate, no matter what.
Here’s how my intuition helped.
The first key action: make your search a game
Following my intuition helped make my search lighter – more like a game. That may sound a little mixed up, but Alan Watts talked about seeing all of life as a game to be played, in the best sense of the word. That perspective is crucial for living a life of meaning. It is so easy to feel life as a burden, one that weighs you down every single day. You start to take everything really seriously, to the point of feeling bad a lot of the time.
But that’s not how intuition works, and certainly not the mindset it takes to create a good life. So as I developed my own intuition, I became more light and playful in my search. That meant that I was also more curious, more willing to try, and more willing to fail. This one shift was huge.
The second key action: trust your intuition
Building trust in my intuition helped me grow trust in every other aspect of my self – my judgement, my flexibility, my sensitivity to my own feelings as well as the feelings of others. I became more confident in my approach. And it led to what I later realized was the final big lesson I needed to learn in order to find my soulmate – I learned how to say “no” in relationship.
Was that scary for me? Absolutely! Much of my life had been built around pleasing others, which led to disempowering relationships. When I developed the power to say no, by facing my fears and saying no anyway, I learned what I didn’t want in relationship and even more about what I did want.
Following and trusting my intuition helped me discover more creative ideas about how to meet new people – ways that were right for me – as well as how to get answers more quickly about who I was drawn to and why, and how to make more insightful choices about who to date and who not to. In hindsight, I realized that often, ambiguity and doubt in dating meant that I should be saying no, but my mind was trying to talk me out of it because saying no didn’t feel safe.
The third key action: let go of how long it will take
My intuition helped me stop worrying about how long it was going to take to find my soulmate. This shift was also crucial. As I lived more intuitively, I began to recognize and follow right timing more and more. I also began to feel that finding my soulmate was inevitable. Because the whole process had become more playful, I was having more fun with it, and stopped thinking negative thoughts like, “Am I EVER going to find my soulmate?” I arrived at the place where it truly didn’t matter how long it took. That pressure was gone. After all, I had already spent seven years alone, and now I was having fun! Even so, I still knew – more than ever, because I felt it intuitively – that finding my soulmate was something I truly wanted in my life.
Roughly three years passed from the time my serious relationship ended to the time I met my soulmate Louise. During that time, I pieced together the process I describe above, which took a while – but I didn’t care. It’s ironic, but perhaps the best way to get something to happen faster is to stop caring about how fast it will happen!
What success felt like
In searching for my soulmate, I put my intuition first – ahead of my intellect, ahead of societal beliefs and ahead of my own fears. I didn’t begin by making that choice; it might have felt too scary at first. No, I grew into that approach organically, over time. As a result, it felt more real, more enjoyable and more doable.
And did it ever pay off!
Shortly before I met Louise, I felt that I was getting very close. I was preparing to attend a retreat on intuition and creativity in Hawaii, and I felt strongly that something was going to happen there. Well, the workshop ended, and nothing had happened. I was stunned!
After the workshop, however, the day before most people were due to fly home… I had my first real conversation with Louise, who had also attended the workshop. That day, the course of my life changed. And soon after we met, I knew that she was the one. I experienced no fear, and no doubt.
I just knew.
Your next steps
I have shared three key actions I took to find my soulmate. There’s more. I have written previously about how I found Louise. Hint: if you read that post, you’ll find three more tips about how to find your soulmate. The insights here are only part of a bigger process I have created, and the core of all my teaching and coaching.
This approach may not be right for everyone. I tend to write for people who don’t “go by the book,” people who value creativity, meaning and authentic living.
If you feel that something is lacking in a major area of your life, whether it is a nourishing, meaningful relationship, career or something else, you can use these insights to help you create a life that you love.
Where do you go from here?
First, read my previous post about fear, Are You Facing Your Fears? This post will let you know that you don’t have to delay any longer, and that you can do it – you can face your fears, and you will be okay. It will also give you a series of steps to help guide you.
Next, come back and reread this post, especially the part about how I found my soulmate. It can be easy to overlook these insights, because they arise from everyday life. They may sound like no big deal.
Please, take them to heart, and try them for yourself.
And then, if you haven’t already, make sure to download the free gift I have created to help you tell the difference between your intuitive voice and your fear voice.
That should get you off to a good start in finding your soulmate or changing your life in a major way.
Enjoy!
I honor your loving heart,
John
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