Are You Led By Your Spirit or Your Wound?

Dear Reader,

A good friend recently suggested I write a blog post on this topic, and I am happy to oblige. It is a big question, one I’m sure many of you can relate to. Have you ever been in a place of doubt or confusion, wondering which part of you is driving your direction in life? This post is for you.

Last week I wrote a post also inspired by this topic, as more of a practical how-to about telling the difference between the voice of intuition and the voice of fear, and I suggest you read that one as well.

But this week, we’re going deeper! Let’s break  the question down into a few manageable parts.

What is a wound?

We all know what a physical wound is, so let’s start there. With a physical wound, some kind of damage has been done. Whether a puncture, a break, or a burn – outer wounds are usually easy to see. An internal wound – torn cartilage, or organ damage, for example – can be more difficult to identify.

With a physical wound, the body makes every attempt to repair the damage. Antibodies are rushed to the wound area, scar tissue forms, bones knit together. But even when healing is complete and the region seems as good as new, there is often physical evidence of the original damage that we perhaps can’t see. We may even carry this evidence with us for the remainder of our days.

The kind of wound I am talking about in the title of this post is a psychological wound. Again, there is some kind of trauma. It can stem from any experience, ranging from mild to severe, that initiates mental pain or anguish. These traumas can date back to childhood, ranging from intentional or unintentional criticism to verbal or physical abuse.

As with a physical wound, there is an immediate attempt to repair the damage and stop the pain. With a psychological wound, this can involve denial, suppression, grief – a huge range of emotions may be involved – or all of those emotions may be buried to avoid further hurt. A story is often created to explain the original trauma, to make it less painful. For example, if an overly critical parent tells a child that he or she sounds horrible when singing, the child may create a story that he or she can’t sing. Maybe the child takes that story goes a step further, and says that he or she doesn’t even like to sing, and couldn’t care less – even though deep down, the child loves to sing.

See how the original wound gets hidden?

But let’s take it further. Perhaps that story becomes generalized beyond singing, to state that the child should be seen and not heard, period, or that the child can’t do anything well. That outlook becomes the invisible default as the child grows up and goes through life. Because the outlook is buried, the child doesn’t recognize it. But because it is so powerful, all the child’s behavior is organized around it – from seeking validation or approval, to remaining silent or invisible, to having experiences over and over again that validate the story.

The child is led in life by his or her wound.

What is your spirit?

Phew, this part feels lighter! And it should. Your spirit is that part of you that is a unique spark of divinity, or oneness, or the great all – whatever you choose to call it. It is joyful, light, innocent and free. It feels vibrant, playful, fully alive.

When you encounter it directly, you know it, whether in yourself or in others.

And yet… just like a wound, it can also get covered over, often to the point where you can’t feel or recognize your own spirit – even though it is always there. It might flash to the surface in unexpected moments – during a beautiful sunset, in hearing a bit of song on the radio, in a moment of laughter with a friend. But then it may be gone again – especially if there is also a wound operating below the surface, holding you back from making choices that would lead you in the direction of your spirit.

Think back to the example of the child who loves to sing. Chances are, singing is an expression of spirit, at least for that child. But the wound has buried that desire deep inside, in order to avoid further hurt – so deep that the desire is no longer felt.

How do you tell the difference?

Now let’s return to the original question: Are you being led by your spirit or your wound? It may take time, practice and patience, but you can tell the difference, and the clues lie in your feelings.

Impulses from your spirit will feel light, free, joyful, and heart-centered. They may not make much rational sense, especially not at first. They may lead you “outside the box,” which may also bring up feelings of fear, right behind the initial excitement.

Impulses from your wound, in contrast, may feel heavy, familiar, unyielding, or just numb. They may lead in the direction of confusion, or anxiety, or the “same old” behavior.

What do you do about it?

First and foremost, learn to pay attention to your feelings! Start with the small things. What do you enjoy? What makes you happy? What do you love? How does it feel to go for a walk on a sunny day? How does it feel when you are around different people?

As you practice paying attention, you will get better and better at discriminating feelings that may have been deeply buried, for a long time. Sometimes that discovery process can bring up pain, so it is important that you have some kind of support system to help you with it.

As you recognize your different feelings, you will learn to recognize which ones come from the desires of your spirit and which ones come from your wound, and you will come to understand what your wound actually is. You may recognize it in behavior you never would have suspected, whether career choices you have made, or relationship choices.

Once you start to build this recognition of both spirit and wounding, you can choose to take new actions – the ones that follow your spirit, hopefully! Choice is freedom, so yes, you could choose to follow your wound – but why would you? Well, familiar behavior is powerful and as the saying goes, neurons that fire together wire together, so you may need to unlearn some habitual behavior. That’s where your ability to reflect and question come in handy – along with that support system I mentioned earlier.

You might ask yourself: What is my wound? What is my story? What is my habitual behavior? What does my spirit love? What does my spirit want, right now? And what do I choose, for now?

The final secret

I tend to believe that on the level of spirit, there are no wounds. There are only opportunities to fully express our true nature. A wound is really an experience, coupled with our response to it. And we have the choice, more-so as adults than as children, as to how to respond to any experience.

But as human beings, we function on both the level of spirit, which is absolute truth, and the level of daily human awareness, which is relative truth – at the same time. So it can be frustrating at best, and grossly uncaring at worst, to tell someone struggling with a painful situation that there are no wounds and that they are actually whole.

It may be more helpful to start exactly where you are, whether with your pain, or numbness, or frustration, or excitement, and just take one step forward on the inner journey, holding open the possibility that you will end up with the awareness that on the level of spirit, you are and always have been whole.

I honor your loving heart,

John

 

p.s.  If you are interested in exploring how to follow your spirit instead of your wound, I’d be happy to speak with you personally. I offer a complimentary Soul Purpose Clarity Session in which I learn more about you and your current situation. We will discuss the challenges you are facing and look at options for changing your results. We’ll also discuss the details of my mentoring programs.